What Was I Thinking

Whenever I would bring up in front of anybody that after mom became sick I was expecting more help. The people usually ask me back "What kind of help did you expect"? My answer usually goes something like this "Considering every knows I gave up everything to take care of mom, I thought when they came over to help me they might do a dish. After all they are the ones telling me they are helping me". So the first year absolutely SUCKED, if my brothers' did not hear from me they thought it meant that they got the week off. It never occurred to them that I was to busy in my new career. A lot of resentment happened that first year. I never once let my mom know how sad I truly was for that would break her heart. I know it is something she would always remember and we did not know then it would ever start a fourth year.

My brother Kevin and his wife I had no problem getting them out of my life. I knew mom would miss him but thought he would at least call more often. In June of 2014 my brother's alcoholic wife had to sneak into MY home to see my brother Chris. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I knew in the back of my mind that this was going to happen I just thought I could keep all of it from mom before I blew up. I blew up beautifully and kicked her out just like she would have kicked me out of hers had things been reversed. The rules were set up before Chris arrived from Texas "No one comes over to see him, he will get together with all of you. Mom cannot stand the noise or crowd so no one is suppose to be coming over to the house". I think it was the second time that sister in law has visited alone in the last eighteen years, but it was to see mom and not my brother. Even though mom's birthday was four days before and she did not bring mom anything, she was there for mom.

The thing is I don't miss either one of them. I have more to do and mom is getting slower, eating less and sleeping more. I am doing more sheets and nightgowns for laundry than I ever thought we could go through in a week, but I am basically happy. My other brother Matt that now comes over says he is waiting for me to go out at night. He does not realize mom not be comfortable at night with me out of the house. We have had this conversation, she knows I do not mind missing a concert while she is still alive. There will always be other concerts, plays and vacations. So why am I still the only one that get that point.

When mom dies I know everyone will cry and they have that right, but with my nieces only living two blocks away they blew a great chance to know a great lady. Mom still gives her family the world though now it has my name signed to the check, so she will never turn her back on any of her children. So why have her children turned their back on her. The one in Texas only calls once a week and sometimes that is a chore, I know his phone has been shut off but there have been plenty of times he could have called twice. The other brothers live less than five miles away, yet somehow still don't have time for one call unless it is to tell me he is coming over on Saturday instead of Sunday. He will talk to mom for a little bit, but he does not understand that this is one of the things mom remembers.

So I hope my family wakes up and realizes that we do not know how long mom has left and after that goes part of a tree we will never get back. My nieces say they love her stories too bad they are never around to hear them. I can only remember so much and am losing stories about our family every day.

So what did I expect, I expected that we would rally around each other like neighbor's of old. When mom's house was under Quarantine when she was younger the neighbor's dropped food off at the windows because the doors were locked. I thought that someone might make us a meal once in a while, not even every month but once in a while. So yeah I am a little disappointed in my family, but considering how I felt about them over three years ago I think I have come a long way.

(There will be more ramblings to come. There is no special order to them yet, but may one day be put together in a short story book) Of course all rights belong to me I wrote the story, better not steal bad things happen to those that steal.